I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
