i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
