i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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