It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
