if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
