If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
