I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
