Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
