woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am available for nakedness
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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