He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
