last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
