What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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