I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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