So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
