Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
