Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
