If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
