all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
