You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
