He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
