I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
