so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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