i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
