i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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