so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
