Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
