tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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