Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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