i think i have two assholes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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