All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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