walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
