come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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