If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
