My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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