I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
