girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
