Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
