mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
