yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I didn't shave. On purpose
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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