There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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