You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
