threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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