This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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