I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
