what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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