Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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