Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
