He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
