would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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