If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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