i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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