I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
